


it's okay//joshler

by theivoryand



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Band, Denial, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, dark. this is very dark., trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 10:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10695345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theivoryand/pseuds/theivoryand
Summary: it's okay.josh knows everything tyler does is for his own well being, and is okay.





	it's okay//joshler

**Author's Note:**

> yay more depressing fics! be careful; if you are triggered by self-harm, depression, mentions of rape/non-con, or suicide, do not read. i repeat, DO NOT read. stay safe |-/. also stay asleep because you probably need it (like me). 
> 
> xo  
> ash

josh can't.  
couldn't?  
can't.  
he can't do this.  
he can't live like this anymore.  
he shouldn't be here.  
if it wasn't for tyler, josh wouldn't be here.  
josh loves tyler so much.  
tyler loves josh too (he tells him all the time) even though tyler hits him sometimes.  
but it's okay.  
josh knows he doesn't mean it.  
josh knows that when tyler slaps him for not doing something right it's okay.  
even if it's something simple, like picking up a piece of paper off the floor.  
josh knows that when tyler does things to him without consent, it's okay.  
it's okay.  
tyler still loves him.  
he tells him every day after josh cries from being stripped with no permission.  
or after josh breaks ribs from "falling down the stairs."  
tyler is the only thing keeping him here.  
tyler is his anchor.  
and, yet, josh's anchor seems to be getting lighter and lighter.

 

-

 

one day, tyler comes home late with lipstick smears on his neck and a sour attitude.  
josh gets hit many times that night.  
tyler doesn't comfort him, instead kicking his shins for crying.  
josh hates it.  
and, per tyler's orders, he hurts himself even more later.

 

-

 

the process repeats over and over and over.  
josh hasn't been to the doctor in two years because he's afraid people will see his cuts, his bruises and assume tyler doesn't love him.  
tyler loves him a lot.  
tyler just told him so.... he thinks.  
josh can't remember the last time tyler said he loves him.  
but he knows his boyfriend still does. 

 

-

 

one night, josh goes too far.  
he's bleeding out onto the bathroom floor, the red liquid pouring from the twenty cuts on his thighs and wrists.  
when tyler sees him, he doesn't say i love you.  
he doesn't say anything.  
he screams instead.  
"you're just doing it for the attention!" he sneered at josh, and suddenly the neon-haired boy missed when he was twenty four, when tyler never hit him or yelled at him or anything.  
but tyler still loves him.  
"you just need me so bad. you probably don't like me sleeping around, do you, joshie?"  
josh nodded, not sure of anything anymore- he was dizzy and black dots were appearing in his vision and his ears were ringing.  
the last thing josh remembers is tyler whispering sinful things into his ear as he wa dragged into their bedroom, cuts finally not pouring blood, where tyler hadn't slept in two years.

 

-

 

tyler hasn't been home in a week.  
josh has had multiple panic attacks already.  
he knows it's his fault, that tyler would still be here if he was a better person.  
josh hates himself.  
and he's finally realizing tyler does too.  
so he does the most logical thing to do, when you're all alone, no one to love, no one to love you.  
he hurts himself.  
more than before, though. more than last time it was this bad.  
josh doesn't know what he's doing, but he does know that all the pain will go away if he keeps doing it.  
just before he downs the pill bottle, he writes tyler a note.  
"i'm sorry i wasn't good enough for you."

**Author's Note:**

> go read something fluffy to feel better.
> 
> xo  
> ash


End file.
